Before I begin, I want to say that what my ramblings will bring in this blog relate only to the relationship between Derek and me, and in no way reflect other relationships or situations. I know that ours is a situation much different than others, one where we did not have children before marriage, nor did we date for an extended amount of time. This is an honest reflection on my thoughts and feelings. Please accept it as such.
So, it turns out that, even though we lived together before marriage, after our wedding, things are a bit different in many little ways. Wonderful, but different. Derek and I have been learning a lot about being married over the past couple months (two on Thursday, to be exact), but we're loving every little lesson. Things are taken more seriously now that we've committed ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. I guess it's difficult to explain why there would even be a difference in many ways, especially once a couple is engaged, seeing as how you're promising to marry each other, but it is.
First, there's a comfort that wasn't there, at least not to the same extent before. Maybe its the fact that the stress of planning the wedding is over and you can actually just enjoy each others' company, or the fact that even if you had that nervous energy before the wedding (it turns out that I have much more self-doubt than I should and would question the silliest things), now, you know that you're going to go home, and the other person will be there, and you can talk if you need to, cuddle if you want to, and just sit and enjoy togetherness. This is a wonderful benefit of being married, especially if you know you married your perfect partner. We are learning never to take this for granted.
Our second lesson comes in communication. We both know how important it is, but sometimes it's really easy to not say something we're thinking or feeling because we don't want to "start anything." Or we don't want to "make a big deal" out of something small. Truth is, it's often easier not to say something. But we haven't fallen into that trap. Not yet, at least. It's something to practice. For the first time in our lives, someone else's thoughts and feelings are tied securely to our own in away that dating didn't cause to the same extent. I mean sure, we wanted each other to be happy before, and we wanted to see each other smile. But now, it's much more magnified. Standing up in front of our family and friends made it hit home what we were doing, how big a commitment we were making. With such an important step we took together, we always want to be able to be as happy as we are now, and we know that open communication will play a big role in that.
Our third major lesson is based on human nature's way of painting a picture of the unknown, which for us was married life. We both had a certain image of what it would be like after we were married, and I'll admit my image consisted of dinners together very night, lots of romance, and other images that television tells little girls what marriage is. Don't get me wrong. Marriage has exceeded my expectation in many ways. I had no idea that I could be so happy knowing that someone cares about me as much as Derek cares, and I love him more than I thought I would ever be able to love another person. So the lesson is that sometimes things don't happen as imagined, but if you're so concentrated on what's different, you may not realize that things are even better than you could ever have imagined.
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